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The vocal rollercoaster – how the biggest roadblock turned out to be my own inner voice

April 27, 20247 min read

"Looking back, I know it wasn't my physical voice at all but my inner voice that was standing in the way. And this voice was very present and loud. Even though I was determined to never give up again, I was hardly ever satisfied with how I sang, and with every job, I thought they would kick me out after a week (which never happened)".

Introduction:

This is my first blog post, which is pretty exciting! Just like you, I'm not sure what to expect, but I have some things to share. Instead of limiting myself to a newsletter or social media post, I've decided to start a blog. Let's see where it takes us!

The Vocal Rollercoaster – How the Biggest Roadblock Turned Out to Be My Own Inner Voice

With that post, I want to introduce myself to you and tell you a bit about my own rollercoaster story with my voice.

Table of contents:

  1. About me: The struggle is (was) real

  2. Navigating the University Years

  3. Finding a New Path: From Opera to Pop and Jazz

  4. Returning to Singing

  5. Battling Insecurity and Self-Doubt

  6. My inner voice is standing in the way of my outer voice

  7. Vocal Freedom leads to Mental Freedom

  8. My Gamechanger Estill Voice Training

  9. From Vocalist to Psychology Enthusiast

  10. Overcoming Imposter Syndrome and Limiting Beliefs

  11. Finding Balance: Integrating Inner and Outer Voices

  12. Important lessons that I learned on the way that I wanted to share with you:

  13. I invite you to a Coffee Call

  14. Thank you

1. About me: The struggle is (was) real

Hi, I’m Viola. I’m a Vocal Coach and Personal Coach, and in this blog post, I want to introduce myself and share my story with my voice – my inner and outer voice. My journey with my voice has been one with ups and downs. I've struggled with my confidence, stage fright, and the feeling of never being enough. While these struggles still linger, they've lost much of their power over me. So, in this article, you'll learn more about me and my work, but also about my struggles with my own voice that ultimately led me to where I am now.

2. Navigating the University Years

It was like winning the lottery when I got accepted to the University of Arts to study opera singing. I couldn't imagine anything better. But very soon, doubts crept in: "Was I really good enough to study opera?" I guess the truth was that I had already answered the question for myself: "I was not good enough”. Without questioning my inner critical voice and negative beliefs, I collected every negative experience to feed my doubts, much like a squirrel collects food for the winter.

3. Finding a New Path: From Opera to Pop and Jazz

After two years, I had fully convinced myself that I just wasn’t good enough to be an opera singer. So, I decided to audition for music pedagogy with a focus on pop, rock, and jazz music and continued my studies there. For my mental health, this was probably a good decision. I had a new voice teacher and finally felt safer with my voice.

4. Returning to Singing

But the truth was – I wanted to work as a Singer. So, after my Bachelor's in music pedagogy, I auditioned for a theater play in Berlin and got the role. That's when I decided: I will try it again. I started singing and auditioning a lot. I remember one time driving to Vienna with a night train that suddenly turned into a party train. I hadn’t slept for a minute the whole night, so before the audition, I was sleeping on a park bench in Vienna just to catch a few minutes of sleep. I really was committed to being a singer and wanted to make it happen.

5. Battling Insecurity and Self-Doubt

But the struggles with feeling insecure and vulnerable with my voice persisted. I had the feeling that my voice had no power and always sounded weak. Despite having great opportunities to perform at places like the Berliner Ensemble, Konzerthaus Berlin, Hans-Otto-Theater in Potsdam, Oldenburger Theater, and even performing alongside the Rolling Stones at one concert, I felt like I only got those jobs out of pity rather than genuine appreciation for my talents.

6. My inner voice is standing in the way of my outer voice

Looking back, I know it wasn't my physical voice at all but my inner voice that was standing in the way. And this voice was very present and loud. Even though I was determined to never give up again, I was hardly ever satisfied with how I sang, and with every job, I thought they would kick me out after a week (which never happened).

7. Vocal Freedom leads to Mental Freedom

The turning point in my singing journey was when I began working with a vocal coach who completely transformed my approach to singing. He taught me how my voice works and showed me how I could belt – something I never thought was possible for me. He always believed in me and I started to practice every day for hours, doing the necessary push-ups and sit-ups to build up my vocal muscles.

For the first time in my life, I realized that I had a powerful voice and that I actually enjoyed singing with that kind of intensity. This opened up a whole new channel for me to express my emotions through music. I no longer felt afraid that my voice could be damaged, as I knew how to work with it in the right way to keep it strong and healthy.

8. My Gamechanger Estill Voice Training

Through working with him, I stumbled upon Estill Voice Training, a Voice Training dedicated to answering the questions: "How does the voice work?" and "How do you create the sound that you want to create?" It gave me so much stability, knowledge, and control over my voice that I wanted to dig deeper and become certified as an Estill Master Trainer. It gave me so much more confidence, not only as a singer but also as a Vocal Coach.

9. From Vocalist to Psychology Enthusiast

At the same time, I decided that I wouldn't accept my inner critical voice voice to be so loud anymore. I had been working with therapists and coaches and was fascinated by the progress and the work, so I decided to dive deeper and started studying Psychology. It was like a whole new horizon opened up, something that I truly liked and felt compelled to pursue. So, I stuck with it, and after a few years, I earned my Bachelor’s degree in Psychology.

10. Overcoming Imposter Syndrome and Limiting Beliefs

Both journeys, the path to becoming an Estill Master Trainer and to my BA in Psychology, were journeys with many demons to fight. But giving up was not an option, even though it meant facing many tough inner roadblocks. Fortunately, as my training journey progressed, so did my ability to handle my inner demons, and my inner critical voices and limiting beliefs.

I wanted to tell a different story about myself, not the one that I was used to telling.

In 2020, I finished my Estill Master Trainer certification, in 2021, I earned my BA in Psychology, and after that, I underwent training to become a Systemic Coach and got certified in 2022. Three things I never thought I could ever achieve in my life. I went through tears, sweat, and sleepless nights, but I didn’t give up.

12. Important lessons that I learned on the way that I wanted to share with you:

  • Many things I believed about myself were simply not true.

  • Our minds are often so much more powerful than we realize (in any possible way).

  • It's okay to start at the beginning.

  • Embracing imperfection and vulnerability is key to growth.

  • Surrounding ourselves with supportive people is crucial.

  • It's better to avoid making important decisions while in a state of fear or panic.

13. Finding Balance: Integrating Inner and Outer Voices

I feel that I am currently at the intersection of my inner and outer voice, where I truly belong. My mission now is to support people in discovering and developing their authentic and unique voice, both internally and externally. That's why I am writing this blog, to offer support and empower you to feel confident with your voice. I will be here to accompany you on this journey towards self-discovery and confidence.

14. ☕️ I invite you to a Coffee Call

If you're interested in discovering your voice with me, I invite you to a free 20-minute coffee call. During this discovery call, we can discuss your goals and needs, how I can best support you, and how we can work together. To learn more about me, you can also sign up for my newsletter or connect with me on Instagram. I am excited to get to know you.

Thank you

Thank you for reading this first blog post. I'm excited to share more stories and insights with you in the future. Until then, stay tuned, stay empowered, and keep singing your heart out.


vocalcoachingpersonalcoachingvoicesingersingingvocaldevelopmentvocalpracticeconfidentvoicebeltingestillauthenticvoice
I am a Singer, Vocal Coach, and Personal Coach, with over a decade of experience coaching individuals. I write music, participate in theater plays and events as a singer, and lead vocal workshops and teambuilding events for companies. Holding a BA degree in Music, Pedagogy, and Psychology, I am also a certified Estill Master Trainer and Systemic Coach (DVCT & ECA).

As the founder of 'You Got This', I unite my two passions – voice and psychology – to offer a space where individuals can discover, develop, and reclaim their unique voice both inside and outside.

Viola Bornmann

I am a Singer, Vocal Coach, and Personal Coach, with over a decade of experience coaching individuals. I write music, participate in theater plays and events as a singer, and lead vocal workshops and teambuilding events for companies. Holding a BA degree in Music, Pedagogy, and Psychology, I am also a certified Estill Master Trainer and Systemic Coach (DVCT & ECA). As the founder of 'You Got This', I unite my two passions – voice and psychology – to offer a space where individuals can discover, develop, and reclaim their unique voice both inside and outside.

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